okay so it's been a while since i've had to deal with people that i know and regularly talk to going around and getting trashed alot. but now, it's coming back. last year it happened alot and i told all of them that that wasn't me and i wasn't into that and if they still wanted to be friends to refrain from talking about that stuff because i didn't want to be involved and i didn't want to hear about their drunken escapades. now, i understand it's a person's choice what they do on the weekends but honestly, it makes me feel like shit when my best friends (if i could really call them that... i don't really know....) start going out every weekend, getting trashed, and then lying about it like i don't see their facebook and myspace statuses. it's completely rediculous and it makes me think that they think i'm stupid or something. i really don't enjoy going up to my friends and saying "it's either me or the partying" because that's rude and i wouldn't want someone to come up to me and say "it's either me or the books" because that's just rude. but when i don't get invited anywhere, or get asked to hang out, or get a phone call, and when my friends are lying straight to my face, it kind of hurts. it gets to the point where i feel stupid for even suggesting hanging out with eachother and i feel dumb for asking what they did over the weekend and they go "oh i just hung out with my cousins" when i know they got wasted. i've been feeling for a while now that i need to start distancing myself from these types of people. i really have no choice. the dissapointing part and really, inexcapable part of this whole thing is that these people that i consider my friends are the only people that i like at my school. there are 2 types of people at my school and they are the druggies and basically the nerds. now i don't get along with the nerds because they are all pretentious and ib students and they think that they are beyond everybody else intellectually. now the druggies i don't like because they are all morons and all they ever do is hang out in peoples basements and smoke some hookah. i just don't understand where i fit in with it all. i mean this is the end of my junior year and i barely have any friends. i suppose i'm a loser of sorts because what little friends i do have don't want to hang out with me outside of school. now when all of my friends are taking a hit, i'm sitting at home while my parents glance at me with sympathetic looks like "why can't you just be normal?" i thought that maybe my parents would be grateful that i don't do drugs and i don't go out partying every weekend, that i stay at home like a good kid and read or go online... but no nothing's ever good enough. i should be studying if i'm home or i should be losing weight or i should be doing this or that. i'm sorry if i'm not perfect, but those people you call my sister's aren't either. they are the least perfect people i have ever met. you know what kills me? it's that i don't like interacting with people that i don't know and my sister actually asked my parents if that was something treatable by a shrink, like i need to go see a therapist and my parents say "you know what, i'm pretty sure it's even covered under our insurance plan..."
okay i'm just done.. that's it this is just making me even more upset and it's the last full day of school tomorrow and then i barely have to see any of them ever again because i won't see them ever next year....
i can't wait for college... it's going to be so much better than this bullshit.
