It's happening again...

okay so it's been a while since i've had to deal with people that i know and regularly talk to going around and getting trashed alot. but now, it's coming back. last year it happened alot and i told all of them that that wasn't me and i wasn't into that and if they still wanted to be friends to refrain from talking about that stuff because i didn't want to be involved and i didn't want to hear about their drunken escapades. now, i understand it's a person's choice what they do on the weekends but honestly, it makes me feel like shit when my best friends (if i could really call them that... i don't really know....) start going out every weekend, getting trashed, and then lying about it like i don't see their facebook and myspace statuses. it's completely rediculous and it makes me think that they think i'm stupid or something. i really don't enjoy going up to my friends and saying "it's either me or the partying" because that's rude and i wouldn't want someone to come up to me and say "it's either me or the books" because that's just rude. but when i don't get invited anywhere, or get asked to hang out, or get a phone call, and when my friends are lying straight to my face, it kind of hurts. it gets to the point where i feel stupid for even suggesting hanging out with eachother and i feel dumb for asking what they did over the weekend and they go "oh i just hung out with my cousins" when i know they got wasted. i've been feeling for a while now that i need to start distancing myself from these types of people. i really have no choice. the dissapointing part and really, inexcapable part of this whole thing is that these people that i consider my friends are the only people that i like at my school. there are 2 types of people at my school and they are the druggies and basically the nerds. now i don't get along with the nerds because they are all pretentious and ib students and they think that they are beyond everybody else intellectually. now the druggies i don't like because they are all morons and all they ever do is hang out in peoples basements and smoke some hookah. i just don't understand where i fit in with it all. i mean this is the end of my junior year and i barely have any friends. i suppose i'm a loser of sorts because what little friends i do have don't want to hang out with me outside of school. now when all of my friends are taking a hit, i'm sitting at home while my parents glance at me with sympathetic looks like "why can't you just be normal?" i thought that maybe my parents would be grateful that i don't do drugs and i don't go out partying every weekend, that i stay at home like a good kid and read or go online... but no nothing's ever good enough. i should be studying if i'm home or i should be losing weight or i should be doing this or that. i'm sorry if i'm not perfect, but those people you call my sister's aren't either. they are the least perfect people i have ever met. you know what kills me? it's that i don't like interacting with people that i don't know and my sister actually asked my parents if that was something treatable by a shrink, like i need to go see a therapist and my parents say "you know what, i'm pretty sure it's even covered under our insurance plan..."
okay i'm just done.. that's it this is just making me even more upset and it's the last full day of school tomorrow and then i barely have to see any of them ever again because i won't see them ever next year....
i can't wait for college... it's going to be so much better than this bullshit.

the sims 3?!?!?!? omg so awesome... =]

working at burger king sucks

omgsh so this video at the bottom took fucking forever to put on here so people better be fucking reading my blog....

if anyone ever wants to work at Carol's corp Burger King on S. Westnege in Portage Michigan, i highly advise you not to. don't even apply. it sucks

seriously i hate it

i want to quit so bad

but if i stay until next year, 

i could get a scholarship!

so i was supposed to work today at 4 until 9, just a normal saturday night. my boss called me and told me they had to cancel my hours because another manager screwed up labor and now they can't have me work. i'm sorry but who the fuck does that? how do you screw up labor so bad that you have to call people and let them know they can't go in. second, i went in to see if my hours were cancelled for tomorrow too and her step- daughter was working so i asked her. and you know what she said? she said that my boss didn't cancel my hours because of labor but because she heard i was going to be putting my 2 weeks notice in soon.

who the fuck does that?! that's basically saying "oh i'm firing you because you are about to quit" is it not? i'm sorry it's exactly the same. and by the way i wasn't looking for a new fucking job until you started cutting me from the fucking schedule and cutting all of my fucking hours and calling me and telling me not to come in. that just fucking pisses me off

you know what else pisses me off...

when you give your friend a ride to school every fucking day and you also give her a ride home from school every fucking day and you take her to speedway every fucking morning and at least once a week you take her to the exact fucking opposite side of town from where both of you live and she fucking chain smokes in your car and leaves it a fucking mess. that what i hate. 

it's like you can't take your fucking trash with you? you can't wait till you get out of my fucking car to chain smoke and give yourself fucking lung cancer? no you can't you have to roll down my fucking windows when it's fucking 10 degrees outside and chain smoke while i'm toting your ass around town. yes i understand that she gives me gas money when i need it but seriously? i get 10 bucks AND lung cancer? wow gee wiz thanks a ton! so i decided to tell her that she can't smoke in my car anymore. and she put a fucking guilt trip on me! like why not? and i'm like.. okay first of all i'm getting smoker's cough and i dont even smoke... second of all if my parents go into my car and they just fucking open the door and breathe in, they will notice that it smells like the inside of a cigarette in there. and third, i smell like smoke every fucking day and i'm sick of people thinking that i smoke. 

ohhhh another thing, if you make plans with me first, keep them! don't fucking say that you have to go over to theron's just because something's wrong with his brain or whatever (i understand this sounds bad) but you fucking go over there what, 3 times a week and the other 3 or 4 days you spend with jason.

i was there for you before jason

i was there alot when theron wasn't there

i was probably there BEFORE theron

and yet i'm the person who gets ditched on a weekly basis

i'm the one that you hang out with for 20 minutes and theron or jason calls and you imediately have to go over there and i'm the one that has to waste their fucking gas (which you paid for but it's besides the point)

and i'm the one who never gets to see you

only you matter

only jason matters

only theron matters

and when something goes wrong, i have to help you pick up the pieces

and when i get the least bit mad at you and start telling you that what you're doing to me is wrong and i'm mad, you get hugely defensive and hurt and depressed like i'll leave you or i'll be pissed and i won't ever speak to you again because i do in fact mean alot to you it's just not enough for you to actually spend time with me other than the 20 minutes a day in the car where i'm suffocating because you blow smoke in my face.

if anyone reads this, i'm going to start vlogging soon i think =]

my youtube name is shanaenae0101

btw these pics are just some of my faves on my comp

from top to bottom:

Mitchell Davis/Livelavalive

Myself on halloween

a youtube livelavalive banner

art by Alex Pardee

another youtube livelavalive banner

more art by Alex Pardee

 

here's a video of me and jess 

dooood this took like 2 hours to get on here... =[

comment if you read this =]

heyyyyyy

okay so a new blog for a new day... well a new week i should say... ahha i havn't  been posting any blogs on here wellllll because i keep forgetting and i doubt anybody reads these.. haha 

well

if you do..

you should go get a life if you have nothing better to do than to read my stupid idiotic thoughts

haha

jussssttt kidding

so 

finally my wisdom teeth are feeling almosssst 100% better!

yayayay

haha

and winter break has been pretty fantastic aside from the pain.

i got to relax ALOT and have fun =]

i got a ton of new clothes

most of which i will wear during the first week of school 

=]

andd i'm trying out a new hairstyle =] yeahhhh 

haha

well

i helped my friend jessica through a tough spot she was having with her boyfriend

i felt really bad because he was being a complete and total ass and she was talking about how she wanted to go to the psych ward and i'm just like " uhhh hold up you don't need that you need to calm down and stop depending on him like he's the only thing in the world that matters because you have people here that actually love you and listen to you and he doesnt fucking listen to you

ughejfa;lkjefiajfe i swear if it wasn't for the fact that jess would probably get pissed at me i'd call him up and give him a piece of my mind. how in the world can a guy tell his gf to "stop being so emo" because she's telling him how she feels or  just say "blah blah blah blah blah blah" when she tries talking serious with him? i swear next time i don't fucking care if it pisses her off i never want to see her that upset over a guy because he does not need to make her feel that she can't live her life without him. she told me when she first dated him that she wouldn't let him controll her life. that she'd be fine if they broke up. then 3 months later they get "pre-engaged" whatever the fuck that is and 6 months later they're past the honeymoon stage and he's being a dick every week to her. it's like when is enough enough? i'm sick and tired of having to pull her up and remind her that she's her own person and she doesn't need him. even though she may want him, hes not the best for her and she doesn't listen. it's like when are you going to learn? do you like doing this to yourself. ugh anyways back to my winter break. i can't remember if i already said this but i got a MACBOOOOOKKKKKKK! ahhaha yeah its awesome i'm typing on it right now... crazy huh? haha recently i've been trying to get new music to go with my new look

and so far i've found a few really good bands

-The Maine

-The Ready Set

-Owl City

-Lady Gaga

and i've been on youtube alot just checking out some videos and i've subscribed to a few of my favorites

-livelavalive (omg michel davis is soooo cute and fricken hilarious!)

-residentmikelee (asian kid from michigan =] yeah i'm pretty sure he's from kzoo but idk he's only said he loves kzoo.... he goes to MI state so idk

-ShaneDawsonTV- this guy just puts me in a good mood every time i watch him he's such an inspiration because he lost 150 pounds and he looks amazing. he's still not comfortable with how he is, his brain's still thinking like he's still fat and he just seems like someone anyone could relate to, even though he is an actor/model hes basically amazing. 

-WhatIThinke- some kid from Canada, i really didn't know what to think at first but he just puts alot of news into perspective and he likes talking about news in canada and in the US and also international stuff so it keeps me up to date. he has this Douchebag Of The Day thing it's hilarious!

well tomorrow is the first day back from break and it's like midnight. 

my sleep pattern's been pretty screwed up since i got my wisdom teeth out. 

staying up all night + sleeping most of the day + getting up at 5:45 tomorrow morning = i will be one tired ass mofo

buttt i will look fabulous

okay

so this is going to be a more serious part 

i can't even fricken type this...

gahh

ok

i'm going to do it

this is something that i've been wondering about for a while now

i wonder if i'm gay

i mean, i do like guys

but it's like i come across a girl who's not girly at all and i start to really like her. 

you know, those types that listen to indie music, are all into art and photography and don't give a shit about what other people think

idk if i want to be like them or if i like them. i don't know

i just know that there's this girl that i'm kind of into right now

she's really cool

and i see her all the time

i've never spoken to her

but she seems like a really cool person

idk

gakljfeaijfeialjie

well

i guess my blog will be the first to know...

peace

-renae