done, done, done!!!

Tonight i had to work, and hanging out with one of my best friends just brought out everything that i have been feeling for this last year. The hopes i have for my life to begin is one of those things that just won't leave my mind, and when it does leave, it's not gone for long. My dreams are definitely big, and definitely not something that i will accomplish in a year, but i hope by the time i'm 25, i will be living my OWN life.
1) i really want to just be out of high school. i don't want to deal with any school related activities, i don't want to deal with drama, i don't want to deal with teachers or homework or detentions or any of that crap! people keep telling me i need to go to prom and i need to go to grad bash, but yet, there is no reason in my mind for me to go to these events. for one thing, i despise (perhaps that's not quite the right word, a bit harsh?) the majority of my class and second, i don't like large groups of people. people tire me out. i'm one of those people who, in order to recharge, needs to be ALONE!
2) i want to save up a ton of money, get done with college and certifications and LEAVE MICHIGAN! there is no way that i will ever be living in michigan as a choice. i have lived in this po dunk college town of Kalamazoo for my whole life and i am done. i hate it here, the weather, the people, just everything. i want to go somewhere where nobody knows me. i want to go somewhere where i can start a life and i won't have to worry about having to live my life a certain way. i want to go somewhere where i can actually be myself without my family or so called friends judging my every move.
those are my two main goals. honestly i don't know if i can wait that long, hopefully i can do this all by like june or july of 2012. i think it should only take me about two years to get my degree if i take summer classes, and i hope i don't have any student loans to pay back. i think as soon as i get out and i have certifications i'm going to apply for jobs all around the US and just get whichever one i get. i don't care where it is as long as it's out of the midwest!

GRADUATION IS COMING!

As graduation is fast approaching, (about eleven weeks to be exact) I can't help but feel a mixture of emotion. Although I will be happy to rid myself of the drama of high school, I am filled with sadness to think of what I will be leaving behind when I eventually leave this small town. There is one person in this world that i have said i love and actually meant it. His name is Davion and i really do love him. Davion is my best friend Brianna's baby boy. at 10 months old he's the closest thing i have ever felt to having family that I love unconditionally. And at 10 months, he's my favorite person in the whole world. It hurts me so much to even consider leaving him behind on my quest to find myself or move on with my life. Since he was born May 11th, 2009, I have been with him at least 3 times a week. He is my nephew, blood related or not, I love him as if he were my own nephew. Could you imagine? Moving away from the person you love? I don't know what to do. My overpowering urge to rid myself of this town conflicts with my urge to stay with this beautiful baby boy for the rest of his life. I would never be able to forgive myself if when he grows older, he doesn't recognize me, and he doesn't realize how very much i love him to the core. It sounds so silly but I often find myself crying because it hurts me so much to even consider leaving him behind. I will miss his smiling face, his cuddles, his crazy hair, his perfect little fingers and toes, and most of all, his ability to recognize me when I come and see him. My face is as recognizable to him as much as his own mother or grandfather. I don't even know why I am thinking about this now, as I will not be leaving right after graduation, i still have years. I can't continue to think about this, it's too hard. I guess we'll deal with it as it comes.


I hate crying blog posts