psyched!

So this morning, as i woke up from only max 4 hours of sleep, i headed downstairs to find my list of chores to do today. i think i broke a record for myself because i did everything : swiffervac, dishwasher, sink,couch covers, room, cups, wastebaskets, and a few things i decided to pick up in under an hour. usually it takes me all day but my mother said i had to do everything before lauren comes over today. which i have no clue when that will be because she hasn't woken up until 2 for the past week and i kind of want to do something soon. so i called jessica to see if she wanted to go to the park with me and she said "in a few hours" right... then lauren's going to be over and jessica's going to go all "drama drama blah blah you don't like me blah blah blah i'm sad now feel bad for me blah blah blah" when seriously it's not my fault i mean, yeah i could have not even called her but if she could do something right now then what's the problem? okay yeah the world doesn't revolve around me, which is something i need to work on remembering because to tell you the truth, i'm really self centered, and stubborn, and at times rude, and i think i also have a touch of OCD when everything needs to be exactly at the right time and everything needs to fit together and if they don't or if someone messes that up then i get really upset which is wierd because usually i'm really disorganized but i get on these crazy rants where i organize my whole closet and dresser (see 2 nights ago... ) and organize everything else in my room (see last night...) but it seems that that never translates over into my locker which always looks like if it didnt have a lock on it, would burst. it also never translates into my folders for school or my bags. i mean, i definately like the idea of everything being organized and i do organize it but i can never keep it that way. oh and 2 days ago i also alphabetized our dvd collection and took all the dvd's from my room that i didn't buy and included them in the whole dvd collection. i don't know what it is about me, but i'm just becoming more and more like my mother every day. it's not like my mother is a horrible person or anything, i mean most of the time she's really cool but it's like when she gets in this mood she's just crabby and bitchy and rude and if someone gets in her way when she's trying to clean it's the end of the world. and i get like that somedays. i know i've talked about what i want with my life before, possibly only in my about me, but it's like people think that living by yourself with animals is a horrible thing. i just don't understand why it's not okay for some people to choose not want to get married or even be with someone. i've never been comfortable with boys. i mean, yes taylor, and nathan and adam which i mean at least 2 out of 3 are definately going to be gay by the time we roll around to our 10 year high school reunion but i'm not so sure about adam. i mean, yes he is kind of femenine but i don't know if it's just because he has 3 sisters at home and hes just really good friends with girls. i know i know, it sounds like he's gay because he has alot of friends that are girls it's just like he was very much attracted to his ex girlfriend meagan in a totally sexual way like he would tell me about everything they did together sex-wise. i don't know if i don't think he's gay, or if i just don't want him to be gay. i have absolutely no problem with people who are gay. i love that they've chosen the way that they want to live and it just seems like they're free. i on the other hand, totally feel that if i end up living alone with pets, people will start thinking i'm the crazy cat lady and it's just i don't really see the point. anyways back to me maybe not wanting adam to be gay. i mean yes i think it's fine if he was but he's been a really great friend to me and i don't know, it's like whenever i become friends with a guy i start to like him like in a totally non-friend way. i dont know, i mean i didn't before because he was dating meagan and i didn't want to see the wrath of her if i made a move which i wouldn't because i'm not a boyfriend stealer. i dont know i mean he's cute. he's nice, he's wondeful, he's so supportive but at the same time he's really critical which i mean i can't deal with someone who just says great things all the time because that just makes me feel like a jackass whenever speak my mind. i don't know, he and meagan were "soul mates"... right... but i don't know where any of this is coming from. gahhhhhh.
okay anyways.
i saw dixon the other day. dixon was my economics and government teacher for sophmore year. she's really cool and she lives in my neighborhood. me and jessica usually go and see her. sometimes if brianna's over we'll all go or just me and bri will go and visit. the first time me and jess went to go see her it was so incredibly awkward. i didn't talk because i thought it was wierd to visit teachers outside of school but eventually we started seeing her about once a week or even twice a week sometimes and it was really cool. this last time i went with jess and we ended up going through dixon's pictures from prom and graduation and then her freshmen year of college and it was really cool. i was funny to see how wild she was and how wild her friends were and it just all makes sence how she wouldn't care when kids talk about drinking and stuff in front of her because it's obvious in her pictures that she did when she was in high school. she never lectures us but at the same time she gives us advice on little things. i think she's one of the coolest teachers i've ever had.
aww mushy moment...
haha
okay done
well i'm glad i vented on here today. i wonder if anybody reads this..
anways
xoxo
renae